do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
