Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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