I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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