You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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