I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize