I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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