When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
