I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
