I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
