I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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