Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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