i barfeds in our rink
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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