i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Randomize
