Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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