At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
