Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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