need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
