Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
