I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
