Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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