Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
