So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
