Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
