i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
