first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
