actually, I'm a sock model
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did you just see the Batmobile???
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
