I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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