i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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