do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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