No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
