3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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