She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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