I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize