Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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