i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
