before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
