god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
