Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
