I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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