whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
