Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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