idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
