would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We got so high we made milksteak
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
