What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I did not marry a roomba.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
