are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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