the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
