You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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