no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
