I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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