Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
