maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
