I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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