Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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