please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
