My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
