I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
