You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
