Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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