you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
