You're so nebulous sometimes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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