I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize