I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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