I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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