ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
