how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
