is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
